In a shocking development, researchers at the International Nanotechnology Effects and Productivity Team (INEPT) today announced that recent experiments prove beyond a doubt that matter cannot be manipulated at the nanometer scale.
Dr. Tom Theumdeun, leader of INEPT's research team, said, "See, those darn atoms are just too small. There's no way anyone could ever do anything practical with them. It's like trying to make things out of LEGO blocks with boxing gloves on your hands."
Scientists at IBM admitted that the famous "logo" they claimed to have "made" out of "atoms" was really nothing more than a nice drawing done by Heather Johansen, an 8th grade art student and daughter of IBM's director of marketing.
"This changes everything," said a chagrined Mike Treder, executive director at the Center for Responsible Nanotechnology. "We might as well disband the organization, because apparently the future won't see much change at all. It looks like business as usual. No need to worry, folks."
When a reporter asked whether it meant anything that this startling announcement came out on April 1, Theumdeun, Treder, and Johansen all gave the same answer, "Don't be a fool."